: OSCOPY
Short form:
If time is short you can skip to the proverbial end. No need to scroll, the last line simply states “get one.” That’s my agenda, to get as many people to become proactive, adapt a healthier lifestyle and get checked-upped. If I can get one person to a colonoscopy and then that person gets another, and that another, well, it would be safe to hold hands and teach the world to sing-- because, there’d be a lot less colon cancer! Early screening and detection plus a healthier lifestyle can vanquish colorectal cancer from the one of the top spots in the plethora of the cancer epidemic. Plain and simple and shorter than the following...
Long form:
As I log onto the American Cancer Society’s website and weave my way through to the colon/rectal page (lovely title) I experience a revelation of identity. You see, on the front page there's a delightful picture representing me-- a colorectal cancer patient. And then I'm confused. What's staring back at me is an older African American man with a baseball cap. I don't trust older people in baseball caps. I stare at the picture, really trying to see myself as a retired softball coach. I can sort of see it. I had a similar goatee at one time. The only difference is I’m a couple decades younger, thinner, more Mexican than African and a hell of a lot more fashion forward. After about five minutes of chemo-dazing I surrender. We probably don’t even share the same name. Disappointing. Its not me. Relieved in a way. I point this out because so many of us walk around distancing ourselves from the graphics, faces and useless statistics (guess who's the highest risk for colorectal cancer: older African American softball coaches). I used to look at such images on the subway, pretentiously comforting myself with “well, that’s not me. That guy is old, black and fat. I'm young, white-ish and thin. I take care of myself.” And yet I still managed to get the cancer. Now, what does this has to do with anything? I leave it to you to sort out. I'm sort of lost here myself. Off topic. What are we going to do about the fact that no one really knows what I'm writing about, including myself? We’re going to get a colonoscopy!
There seems to be good news and bad news regarding colorectal cancer. The Survival rate is going up, and the number of full-blown cancer cases are going down however, the age for new cases are getting younger. And there are more new cases. I asked around. A few experts in their fields of bum (including my own wonderful GI doc) substantiated the claims. All said anyone over the age of 40 should get checked. 30 or younger if colon cancer’s in the family genes. But here’s the rub…
Our lovely American institution of insurance companies only covers the expense of colonoscopies if you are 50 plus. If things were different and I'd been encouraged to get checked at 40 (and I would’ve because I’m anal about those things, pun intended) I probably wouldn’t be going through chemo right now. So, if you were me you might feel the desire to call insurance companies assholes (pun intended). But I wont, not worth spending valuable squarespace-age on those jack asses (last pun promise). Okay, universal health care is a subject for someone else’s blog. Again with the off topic! Back to butts. Here’s my advice to those of us under the age of 50. If there’s any history of cancer in your family go to a GI doctor, get a check up and ask the nice person to order you a colonoscopy. Then find out how much your co pay would be and go from there. Many insurances cover a significant portion of the expense if the colonoscopy is ordered by an “in network” practitioner. Not all of the expense, but isn't worth finding out what your peace of mind will cost? Yes there are DNA stool tests, and if the colonoscopy expense is too high that’s a great place to start. However, as of now there doesn’t seem to be anything more accurate than the good 'ol colonoscopy. So why not get checked?
If you are a man I get the procrastination. Anything to do with our own ass terrifies us. And this has to do with the fact that (generally) men don’t like to look at their shit. There’s deep metaphorical implications here, but the truth is we men have better things to do. Like getting a job, organizing apps, ruling the bored room or boardroom. We are hunters no matter what society now tells us. We simply don’t have time to turn around, to look either in the bowl of the toilet or the bowl of our mother issues. We need to kill something fast. And fast forward… you find yourself rolled into surgery. And if you’re a procrastinating woman I get it too (yes colorectal cancer doesn't discriminate). There are far more phone calls, manny petties, children, husbands, careers and father issues to deal with. Being the hunter AND the gatherer is exhausting, yes, yes. Neither gender has the time to save their own lives. But what if one were to think differently?
Colonoscopies are easy. Hardest part is a day and night of prep with laxative solutions that are getting easier and easier to take. No longer is it the downing of a pee colored salty liquid gallon. Thank god. Its now two small bottles, or a few pills or whatever. Then a sleepy morning getting a ride to a clinic. Easy check in, lovely nurses and then a kind anesthesiologist who…zzzzzzzzzzz. And you wake up. If there were any polyps found they’re taken out during the procedure. If there’s something larger and more ominous, well its great that you found when you did. The whole thing takes about 45 minutes from beginning to end. And the clinics? They’re like medical spas. I actually suggested to my GI doc that she install a massage room and juice bar. She’s working on it. So please please do yourself and your loved ones the favor of getting screened. If you have parents that are stubborn not taking care of themselves, bug them incessantly. DO IT. Blame me. Life is too important and somewhat short. We have to take care of ourselves as long as we are able. Colonoscopy. Get one.